We all crash and burn
by karolinaizabela
Summary: A once in a life time love. Happy beginning, but will the rest follow through? M for future chapters.
**A/N: first clexa fic, let me know if y'all like it so i can continue :)**

* * *

 _This isn't what I wanted. I didn't want a once in a life time, earth shattering love that would leave me feeling as if my life was over the second the person decided I wasn't enough for them anymore. I wanted dull. I wanted a boring yet stable love. I wanted to know that even though it wouldn't have a peak that gave my whole body chills and made me see the world differently, it would last forever. I didn't want this._

* * *

"Hello, earth to Clarke?"

A voice seemed to orbit around her, though she wasn't sure exactly where it was coming from until a pair of fingers snapped right in her line of vision. Blinking out of her daze, Clarke turned to the source. "What? Sorry, did you say something?" She cleared her throat and took a sip of her drink as if nothing just happened.

Raven rolled her eyes. "Will you just go ask her out already? You've been staring at her for the past half hour. You've got drool all over your dress."

'No, I don't." Clarke scoffed, but quickly glanced down at her cleavage anyway.

Now, Clarke wasn't afraid of anything, really. She was outgoing and brave, and never stepped down from a challenge: _especially_ when it came to dating. She had a theory, that if she tried it out with enough people, she'd find her soul mate sooner rather that later. And that's all she wanted. While most of her friends were looking for hook ups and quick dating experiences, Clarke looked for love.

"There's probably something fundamentally wrong with her, anyway. Nobody looks that hot and doesn't have some deep set issues."

"Hey! _I'm_ perfectly normal." Raven fussed, pointing towards herself with a raised eyebrow and Clarke had half the mind to stop herself from bursting out laughing. That would probably only end with getting punched.

Truth be told, Raven was extremely attractive and an incredible person, and if they hadn't been best friends for over a decade now, Clarke would have happily given it a go. Though Clarke knew that wasn't how Raven meant the statement to come off, anyway.

"Okaaay, Raven." She smirked instead, knowing she would be pushing her best friend's buttons. That's the way they've always done things – they had a teasing relationship most of the time, thought behind the curtains, they trusted each other more than anyone else.

Raven proceeded to roll her eyes again, nodding her head towards the girl. "Go. Before I kick your ass." She pushed Clarke off her seat and towards the girl cozied by the bar with a drink nestled in her palms. "You got this, Griffin."

Clarke paused and turned around, chugging the rest of her drink before taking now more confident steps towards the girl. Clearing her throat, she leaned on the counter right by where the girl was sitting and waved the bartender over. Acting casual was key, but she had to get her attention somehow.

The girl looked over at Clarke who was now probably leaning a little too close, and smiled politely.

"Hey. I'm Clarke." She turned more towards the girl now, extending her hand with the best smile she could muster at the time. Clarke was anything if not smooth.

The girl took a moment, but shook Clarke's hand. "Octavia, nice to meet you."

The bartender finally made his way over to Clarke and she ordered another round of the drink she'd been having all night.

"Can I buy you a drink?" She asked, a glimmer of hope making her eyes sparkle despite the low lighting. Her tone was soft and inviting unlike her usual deep husk.

Clarke could tell that a thousand different thoughts seemed to form in Octavia's mind at that moment and she figured her chances were already shot. Usually if a girl had to really think about it, she was probably either not over someone or contemplating making someone jealous. Frequently both.

"You know what, yes. You can." Octavia smiled, turning fully in her seat in order to face Clarke, and the sudden determination in Octavia's voice worried Clarke slightly, but she decided to give her the benefit of the doubt and didn't bother bringing it up.

Nodding, she bit down on her bottom lip. "What are you drinking?"

"I'll have a vodka martini." Octavia smiled at the bartender as he handed Clarke her drink, and the man disappeared once again.

"So…" Clarke started, leaning both her elbows on the barstool, turning only her head towards Octavia now. "What's a girl like you doing alone in a bar on a Friday night?" She asked, raising an eyebrow as she took a sip of her drink.

A soft chuckle escaped Octavia's lips, and Clarke couldn't tell if it was genuine or bitter. "Getting stood up, apparently." Bitter it is, then.

"Oh. I'm sorry." She paused, weighing her options for a moment, but in the end opting to go for it. "Whoever it is, they've honestly got to be pretty stupid to be standing up someone like you. You're like the hottest girl here." Clarke paused, cringing. "Wow, that was pretty blunt, huh? I'm sorry."

"No, don't apologise. I appreciate the compliment." Octavia smirked jut as the bartender returned and handed her the drink she ordered. Clarke pulled out her wallet and left a twenty on the bar, now focusing her full attention on Octavia.

"So why are _you_ here alone on a Friday night?"

"I'm not." Clarke chuckled, turning around and pointing towards Raven who was actually watching them with a huge grin on her face. She waved like a maniac and Clarke wanted to disappear. "That's…" She sighed with faux embarrassment. "My best friend, Raven. She dragged me out tonight. Please don't pay attention to her, she's not actually as creepy as she seems right now." She laughed softly, shaking her head and turning towards Octavia again.

Chuckling, Octavia took a sip of her own drink. "It's fine, don't wo-"

A completely breathless girl appeared behind Octavia, first tapping her on the shoulder, and then proceeding to lay her hand there as she tried to catch her breath. "Holy shit, I'm so sorry." She managed between deep gasps for air.

"Lexa? What the hell happened to you, you're over an hour late." Octavia set her drink down, getting off from her stool and facing the girl as she crossed her arms. She didn't seem like the kind of girl you'd want to piss off.

This must be her date, then. Clarke sighed: just her luck.

"I'll leave you two." Clarke mumbled, more towards Octavia than anything else and it seemed that only at that moment did the girl notice that Octavia wasn't alone.

Scrunching her eyebrows together, she took a breath deeper than the previous ones and stood up straight. "Oh, hey. And you are?"

"Just leaving. Don't worry." Clarke gave the girl a tight-lipped smile. "It was nice to meet you, Octavia." She smiled, picking up her drink and solemnly returning back to her and Raven's table before either of the girls could say anything else.

As soon as she got back to the table and saw the look on Raven's face she held up her hand. "Don't, okay?" She shook her head. "I'm gonna go to the bathroom and then I'm gonna go home. Feel free to stay, though." Clarke murmured with a soft smile, grabbing her purse and heading for the bathroom.

After the five-minute queue, she finally made it. Checking her make-up in the mirror, Clarke heard someone clear their throat directly behind her. Turning around, she glanced at the girl and sighed, recognising her despite their few second interaction.

"Lexa, right? Look, you don't have to worry, okay? I don't go after taken people, so you can relax. Octavia is all yours." She mumbled quickly, turning back around and getting back to the mirror.

"I'm not with Octavia. Well, I mean, not anymore. We haven't been together for a while now, we're just really good friends." She shrugged, mumbling. Lexa was never one to be at a loss for words, but right now she was struggling to piece together a coherent sentence. Closing her eyes, she sighed loudly.

Clarke raised her eyebrows as she put together everything Lexa was saying, trying to make sense of it. The girl seemed really noble, coming after her to convince her to give her ex another chance.

"Look, I don't know how to do this without sounding like an incredible jerk, because I do care about Octavia, I do. It's just that… I think you're really gorgeous, okay?" Lexa mumbled suddenly, her words stringing together into one, barely intelligible sentence.

Definitely not what Clarke expected. "Excuse me?" She cut in before Lexa could say anything else.

Sighing, she pinched the bridge of her nose as Clarke leaned her back against the bathroom sink. Suddenly the crowd in the bathroom didn't seem to exist for either of them as they each tried to make sense of the other.

"Octavia would probably kill me if she knew I said that." Lexa couldn't help but chuckle, shaking her head in disbelief at what she just did. "But you know what, screw it. You only live once and I know I would probably regret it for a really long time if I didn't ask you out."

She licked her lips, swallowing loudly. "So would you like to maybe go out for a drink with me some day?" She sounded nervous, and despite not knowing her, Clarke could tell it was an unusual feeling for Lexa.

For obvious reasons, Clarke didn't pay attention to Lexa before, but now that she was standing here in front of her; Lexa's ridiculous beauty seemed to dry out Clarke's throat. A lot would probably say she was gorgeous in a really conventional way, but Clarke saw way past it. She was beautiful in a way she couldn't even comprehend describing.

Despite her obvious nerves, Lexa tried playing it cool. The sleeves of her perfectly pressed white shirt were rolled up to her elbows and her hands were now hidden inside the pockets of her suit pants.

"Look…" Clarke started, allowing herself to clear her head and think straight. "I am honestly _extremely_ flattered." She smiled, and it was probably the most genuine smile she had given anyone lately. "But it just seems too complicated. I mean, I was chatting up Octavia no longer than ten minutes ago, and she's your _ex_." Her face cringed. "I just don't want to be caught in the middle of anything."

Lexa's shoulder slumped, though that was the only visible disappointment she allowed Clarke to see. Seconds later, her jaw clenched and she stood straight again. Like water off a duck's back.

"If it was any other circumstances, believe me I would say yes." Clarke tried again, much softer this time. She reached over, her fingers gently grazing over Lexa's forearm in a silent apology.

Lexa's body stiffened immediately, her skin burning under Clarke's fingertips.

"It's fine. Completely understandable." She sounded calm as she took the tiniest step back, removing her arm from the crushing weight of Clarke's touch. "You're a good person-" She paused, scrunching her eyebrows as she searched her brain for a name.

"Clarke. I'm Clarke."

"Well, you're a good person, Clarke." She whispered, testing out the name on her lips and basking at the way it sounded as it rolled off her tongue.

Clarke nodded faintly, once again feeling her mouth suddenly dry. "I should, uh-" Her voice was hoarse, and she tried clearing her throat. "My friend is waiting." She pointed back towards the door with her thumb, as if her words needed an explanation.

Lexa nodded, and without another word Clarke was out of the room. Finding Raven quickly, she tugged at her sleeve.

"Jeez, did you fall in, what the hell took you so long?"

"Remember how I said I wanna go home? To hell with that. Get me drunk."

Raven wondered what could have possibly changed Clarke's attitude so quickly, but she knew better than to question her when she got like this. Instead, a slow smirk spread across her face and she got up, already on her way to the bar. Turning around half way there, she yelled over the roaring crowd.

"That I can do."

[ღ]

Clarke had her elbows propped up on the desk in front of her, trying to pry her eyes open as her professor continued talking in the most monotone voice she'd ever heard. This was possibly the worst class she'd ever taken, but it was a requirement.

Almost as if the universe had heard her prayers, the bell suddenly echoed through the room and everyone jumped out of their seats, leaving the classroom.

Sighing with relief, Clarke pealed herself off her desk and packed up her books as quickly as she could manage. A few seconds later, one of her closest friends, Monty, was standing by her side.

"Ready to go, partner?"

Clarke scrunched her face. She had completely forgotten she had agreed to hang out with Monty that afternoon. He must have noticed the look on her face, because moments later his arm was wrapped around her shoulder and he gave it a light squeeze.

"Don't worry, we can reschedule."

"I'm sorry. It's just that for the past few weeks Raven has been dragging me out to parties almost every night and I'm just so incredibly behind on my work." She shook her head with a sigh. Raven was a good friend, she really was.

Ever since the Octavia/Lexa incident, which she hadn't actually asked about in much detail, thankfully, Raven had been even more persistent about having Clarke get out there and meet new people. Clarke knew that she just wanted her to find happiness, but after a while going out all the time started being a little tiring.

"Just talk to her about it. She'd understand." Monty gave her his infamous smile and for a moment, Clarke felt better.

She nodded as they left the classroom. "You're right, as always." She smiled at her friend, pulling away slowly. "I'll see you later this week, okay? We'll definitely meet soon, I promise. Just a few more essays to go." She held her hand up in the air and crossed her fingers with a slight chuckle.

"Good luck. Call me when you're done."

With that, they parted ways. Clarke had one more pit stop before going back to her dorm room and burying herself in mountains of work. Coffee.

Headphones already in her ears, Clarke was absolutely zoned out from the world, following the path to ARKoffee by muscle memory. Rounding a corner, she was suddenly rammed into by a jogger and the only way she managed to stay upright, was because they were quick with their reflexes and caught her just before she hit the ground.

"Jerk. Watch where the fuck you're going." She fussed as she looked to the ground, where a bunch of her art supplies now lay. "Do you know how expensive this shit is? Honestly, it wouldn't hurt you to ju-"

"Clarke?"

Slowly looking up, Clarke had to almost physically hold up her jaw to keep it from dropping to the ground. "Lexa, hi." She mumbled quietly, taking in the sight before her.

Lexa had one earphone stuck in her ear, while the other hang loosely over her _bare stomach_. She was wearing grey sweatpants and a black sports bra, with a loose grey hoodie hanging off her shoulders. Her body was covered with a thin, glistening layer of sweat and Clarke had a hard time tearing her eyes away from Lexa's very defined abs.

When she finally managed to look up, Clarke rolled her eyes at the smirk plastered on Lexa's face.

"Like what you see?"

Clarke shook her head. "No, you look awful. _Please_ close your hoodie."

Lexa couldn't help but laugh at the desperation in Clarke's voice when she said the word 'please'. Taking pity on her, she took out her other earphone and pulled the zip up, covering her abdomen. Moments later, she was kneeled down; picking up Clarke's splattered paintbrushes and drawn on pieces of paper.

"Wow, you're really good, Clarke." She muttered, impressed, as she gathered the papers together and handed them to a stunned looking Clarke. "What?"

Shaking her head again, she took her belongings from Lexa's hands. "Thank you. These are just a few rough sketches." She shrugged, suddenly slightly nervous about her drawing abilities – something that had pretty much never happened before.

Lexa smiled. "If there are just rough sketches, then I can't imagine what the real deal looks like. They must be incredible."

Clarke felt herself blush and for a moment was at a loss for words, which Lexa took to her advantage by speaking up again.

"Listen, I'm really sorry about the party. It's been a few weeks but I was hoping to run into you, so that I could apologise. I put you in a really uncomfortable position, and I'm sorry." She spoke with poise but her voice was dripping with sincerity.

"It's fine, you don't have to apologise. I admire you going after what you want."

She probably shouldn't have said that.

"Let me buy you a coffee." Okay, she _definitely_ shouldn't have said that.

Clarke opened her mouth to protest and tell her all the ways that was probably a bad idea, but Lexa cut in again before she could manage to get a word out.

"Just as friends. I respect your decision and don't want to push anything, unless you feel it, too. I just want to grab a coffee. As an apology for running around the city like a maniac." She grinned.

And just like that, Clarke was sold. She smiled softly and nodded in agreement, and the girls were off. They made their way to ARKoffee with Clarke leading the way and Lexa following with a soft smile.

"What?" Clarke asked after Lexa had stared at her for a little too long for it to mean nothing. She looked around and moved her arms in a gesturing manner around the coffee shop.

"It's my favourite coffee shop."

Clarke squinted, convinced Lexa was just making that up to make it seem like they were more compatible. "Then why have I never seen you here before?"

Lexa chuckled as they walked over to the counter, but before Lexa could even start her answer, the barista grinned as the two made their way over.

"Lexa, your usual babe?"

Just before nodding at the barista, Lexa turned to Clarke and smirked. "My usual would be great. And a..." she paused, looking at Clarke again. "What are you having?"

"Just a latte."

"And just a latte for my friend, please."

A little while later, they were sitting at a table, both with coffees nestled between their palms. Lexa's skin was still all kinds of glistening and Clarke had to keep pinching herself whenever she remembered the abs that were hiding beneath her hoodie.

"So uhm.." she cleared her throat, "You never did tell me why I've never seen you here before. I practically live here and at my university library…" Clarke chuckled softly, her cheeks turning a soft shade of pink.

Lexa took a sip of her coffee to hide the growing smile on her face. "Probably because I'm usually the first person here. I come right when they open at 6, right after my morning run."

Clarke gawked, gripping the coffee in her palms harder. "You're already done with your morning run at 6? Who are you?"

She can control herself most of the time, but Lexa couldn't help but laugh at this. "I have a pretty tightly run schedule, I lead a busy life. If I didn't get it out of the way so early in the morning, I'd never get it done. Days like this are an exception." She smiled, taking another sip before continuing.

"I run a small non profit environmental organization, you know, trying to keep the planet alive." she smiled with the softest note of shy.

"Lexa, that's incredible!" Clarke instantly perked up, sitting straighter. Absent mindedly, she reached over and squeezed Lexa's hand in her own, holding onto it for a little longer than necessary…which was all of it, considering the fact that the touch itself was unnecessary.

They sat in silence for a few moments, both looking at their practically intertwined hands. Clearing her throat, Clarke pulled her hand back, wrapping it around her cup again.

"You've got to let me come over some time, I'd love to check the place out. If you ever need any graphics done for your company or anything, let me know." Clarke was a sucker for people selflessly helping others, or good causes.

She was a sucker for people with big hearts, and it seemed like Lexa's was massive.

"Seriously?" she seemed a little flustered – almost as if she wasn't used to people being nice or offering her their help. Which seemed impossible, because anyone who ever laid eyes on her would admit the woman was practically a walking, talking goddess.

Clarke nodded again. "Of course, I'd love to help out. When did you start it? You seem awfully young to have your own non profit, to be honest."

For a brief moment, Lexa let completely loose. She seemed entirely proud and confident in herself, even if for just a few seconds. She gathered herself quickly though, and played it cool. She didn't want to come off as cocky or arrogant, not in front of Clarke. Not yet, anyway.

They talked for a long time, before realizing just how late it had gotten. Lexa's barista friend came by to let them know they were closing down for the night, and both the girls looked outside to be greeted with darkness and confusion.

"Wow, time flies when you're having a good time." Lexa mumbled, the corner of her mouth barely lifting in the softest smile.

"Yeah…tell me about it." Clarke was reluctant with her words, but she felt such a pull towards Lexa, that she wasn't quite sure how this happened. She specifically didn't want anything happening between them, because of Octavia and everything being so complicated, but…they got on so well.

Lexa made her smile, blush and giggle like a schoolgirl, all in the space of a few hours. She was an amazing person trying to save the planet, on top of everything. Clarke couldn't have imagined a more perfect person even if she tried, and here she was, into her and willing. She'd already asked her out and all of a sudden, it all seemed like a dream too good to be true.

All of a sudden, a loud gasp left Clarke's lips. "Fuck!"

Lexa's concern was fast, and she immediately looked ready to help in whatever way she could, without even knowing what's wrong. "Clarke, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just…" she shook her head and chuckles. "I was supposed to get a shit-ton of work done this evening. You just made me forget there was a world outside these walls, that's all." She looked up, her smile more deliberate now – she wanted Lexa to know how she felt, her previous concerns currently nowhere to be found.

Licking her lips, Lexa held back a smile. "We should get going." She didn't want to push any boundaries, as far as she was concerned, Clarke still didn't want anything to happen between them. "May I walk you to your dorm?"

"Of course."

They made it there within ten minutes, and Clarke shuffled in front of the main entrance to the building for a while before saying anything.

"I had a really good evening, Lexa. Thank you for inviting me out." Leaning over, Clarke pressed her lips against Lexa's cheek, lingering, before pulling away and giving her another smile. "We'll be in touch, okay?"

"You bet." Lexa mumbled in response, praying to all the gods that it was dark enough for Clarke not to see the fire burning in her cheeks. "Have a good night, Clarke."

"Good night, Lexa."

And with that, Clarke made her way up to her dorm, where Raven was already waiting for her on her bed.

"Where the hell you been, Griffin?"

"Raven, I'm in love."

8


End file.
